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Prada
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May. 1st, 2007 @ 03:10 pm
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Today had me feeling slightly self-absorbed, but because i have the day off I felt like that was okay. I could just enjoy being me and no one had to deal with my vanity being out of control.
I dug in my closet and located a shirt I'd recently bought from Prada. (Why people spend as much money as they do on these clothes is beyond me except that it usually feels nice to just put on some shirt from Guess or Express which I bought for like $30 or something, and when you slide over a Prada shirt that I spent $340 on I really feel a little more amazing)
Today is just a day that I wanted to enjoy being me, and I think it was important to just let me appreciate who I am and the quirky-ness of all that I do. So...I put on the Prada shirt, looked in the mirror and said...
..."you are a damn fool for spending THAT much money on this shirt". Then I smiled at myself and continued on.
-Aaron- |
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I've been set up with two guys since i've been here.
The first guy, Danny is a simple reminder as to why I hate the general population of men called Danny, Daniel, or Dan. Nearly 100 percent of men that i have met called any variation of Daniel have been absolutely useless people. I have one friend, Daniel Paris, and he is exceptional and amazing, and every other Dan/Daniel/Danny has been....well....stupid.
Danny is also 19 so i'm going to stop my story right there and just say how stupid I was to even bother. But basically we talked for a bit and I realized he wanted a hook up...so I hooked up with him (what? he's cute!!!) and then didn't really talk to him after that so I became this horrible person and he hates me now. He made up some really fantastic stories about me though so that was fun.
Then there was Jonathan, who I met at the Outback Steakhouse while I was his waiter. Our date was very well planned out by me. The guidelines were simple. "I want dinner, a movie, and a good night make out session" and he loved it and said yes. So we go out to eat, and everyone at work is lovely and excited (we ate at the outback because I get discounts on all the food there and I WAS paying for the whole date after all). And then I said "movie time" at which point he decides it's too late for a movie (10pm) and so I take him home and he says "well...hugs!!!" and reaches for a good night hug. A good night hug, I ask you. Who hugs their date good night? No one, that's who, and certainly not someone on a date with ME!!! So mid-hug I stop him and throw him out of my car.
Alex is the current set-up and he actually seems quite nice. But men who seem quite nice are either married, dating someone, or end up being strange. Alex seems like he has potential so I, ever the romantic and optimistic-about-humanity type person, am going to be having lunch with him tomorrow after church. (oh yea, I found a church!!!)
Wish me luck boys and girls.
-Aaron- |
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I saw what I thought was my husband come into work today. He sat at my table and was there with his wife and daughter. they were actually a beautiful family but it was just unfortunate that he was straight - or more so that he wasn't gay and with me.
Interestingly though he was exactly my type. I don't think i've ever met anyone who is exactly my type. His mixture of gentle speaking, fierce humour, polished vocabulary and whatnot had me going nuts every time I came to the table. He had black hair, short, and a goatee but it was a very Italian look. Not a trashy goatee, but trimmed and neat. He was very good looking and had a fantastic smile. He was also SO tall - he must have been nearly 6'7" or something. I don't generally like my men THAT tall but this was fitting in a way. He was also muscular, but not super muscular. He was fit, and his arms were decorated with various sleeve tattoos which I found very appealing. When he talked to me I just wanted to die.
He was totally my type, and married with a daughter, of course. And his wife was charming and lovely I liked her very much, and their daughter was very well behaved and I loved her too, and I hate children.
So...that seems pretty normal for me. The man of my dreams walks into our store and is unattainable, hehehe.
Lucky for me I have Jesus.
-aaron- |
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New York City is amazing. It's such a neat culture of city, vast and full of a myriad of people to interact with. Only...they don't really interact with you. Everyone sort of keeps to themselves. I would venture to say that it's a very lonely city if you don't have friends there. It would be crazy to live there for a long period of time. I'm definitely a New York visitor and possibly short term resident, but i'm not going to retire there.
The subways were so much fun - most of our adventures happened on the subways. We would get on trains and think we were going one way when we were supposed to be going the other direction. And once we figured out we were going the wrong way so we jumped off and immediately jumped on another train and realized we were continuing the WRONG way, which made us laugh. So we finally ended up in the Bronx or something and were casting spells for protection (haha) and all kinds of things. We were riding rails and casting spells.
We saw some lady masturbating on the subway too, that was...well disturbing.
The city itself was great - we got to see Jennifer Rodriguez who had moved up there to go to AMDA, a theatre school. And seeing us and seeing her just made everything so much fun. We ate at this place called Dallas BBQ, and it was funny to see how New Yorkers feel that Texans exist, because the place was decked out like some giant ranch or soemthing. Paintings of horses on the wall and what not, it was hysterical.
We did some shopping and some sightseeing, and mostly tried to stay away from the mainline touristy stuff. We weren't there to be tourists, we were there to experience the city. And we really did. We stayed in Brooklyn and I just had such a great time with Robby and Mario. There is entirely too much to call to memory here, but I will definitely add on as time reminds me of things. The point is...i'm going back for a visit whenever I get the chance!!!
-Aaron- |
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A friend of mine gave me some disturbing news a couple of days ago and i've been trying to process it and figure it out.
There is a core group of friends that I have, and subsequently a larger circle of people that I consider friends but don't get a chance to hang out with a lot. These larger group of people are people that I will forever have a fondness for and respect for but will probably only see here and there - and those times of interaction will be sweet and wonderful. They are my friends.
Within my core group of friends there was a young man who was dealing with his sexuality. He existed in an evironment that was most likely not going to be compatible with being gay. So we sought to help him build a network of friends that he might have for support should anything go awry when the time came that he felt comfortable coming out. That time came, and that time passed and everyone was very supportive in his life and we were very grateful for it.
He recently began to date someone, and we cautioned him that he was fresh out of the closet and perhaps relationships weren't what he needed to focus on at this time, and he of course ignored our advice as most young gay men do. But we were right, of course, as we most of the time are...people should really listen to their Empress...and he broke up with the young man he was dating.
A sidestory was that another of our friends recently broke up with his several month relationship as well...the boy he was dating ended up being untrustworthy and a liar...and basically stupid.
But to our great surprise...the first friend went behind everyone's back and began to date this untrustworthy ex-boyfriend. Now I understand that it is not our place to make friends so that we can tell them who to date and who not to date - but it seems to me that if we know someone is not a good person and then you end up dating that person knowing full well that they betrayed a friend of yours...that seems stupid to me. it's like when someone's best friend breaks up with their girlfriend and the best friend begins dating her...I mean, what the hell is wrong with people? You simply don't do that. it betrays friendship.
This young man did exactly that - and it seems ridiculous to me. When we take someone in to teach them how to deal with their sexuality it is not to teach them how to betray their friends and hurt people. There are moments when one needs to be bitchy - and as a gay man this "bitch" button can be incredibly useful...but it's not on all the time and there are proper manners and ways that people interact that should really be maintained. The guy didn't even talk to us to let us know he was interested in our friend's ex-boyfriend, and even if he had we would have advised against it anyway.
He seems not to care, and this is not the first time he's done this. During a party he flirted with my date the entire night and then tried to date him later. I shrugged it off because I was moving and my date would not have been a good choice for me to date anyway - so it seemed not to matter - but I did note that he had tried to undermine me by stealing my date. He said he felt bad about it, and he should have, but I didn't really make a big deal of it. This time, however...i'm making a big deal about it.
I just don't understand people sometimes...
-aaron- |
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i'm considering going to New York City with my friends for my birthday this year.
this should prove very interesting because the last time I was in NYC, I got lost and ended up talking to a gang in Queens and surprisingly did not die because they thought I was really funny.
So...this should be exciting.
-Aaron-
Feb. 23rd, 2007 @ 02:56 am
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| » I'm not a slut - what is wrong!?!?!?! |
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It's funny when i'm talking to people about sex. It's not a subject that I think should be overtalked about in civilized conversations; but I see no reason to deny people the ability to work things out in their own sex lives through bouncing ideas and stories off other people. It's how we learn about things. I expect parents to give the initial idea to the kids. "Daddy's snake goes in mommy's cavernous temple" and so on. But apart from that it's bouncing around stories and having people define terms for you that allow a person to grow sexually and experiment in their own lives until they figure out what it is they like exactly. I would be horrified if during the first initial sex talk, a kid's parents introduced the idea of fisting to someone. Some people just aren't ready for stuff like that...things of that nature are reserved for level 12 sex maniacs, hehhe.
But here in Killeen, Texas people have really limited themselves to what they experience sexually. A girl was talking to me about how she wants to spice up her sex life by using a pair of handcuffs. And I said "that's fine, but you guys have done that before right?" and they had. So I suggested that while she was doing whatever she was doing for her boyfriend, she lube up her finger and put it in his ass. She was absolutely horrified and said she would do no such thing, but later she said she did exactly that and her boyfriend proposed to her. I mean that literally, he bought a ring and proposed to her. Hehehe.
And another girl was very depressed one day because she came into work and the previous night she had been involved in her first one night stand. And she didn't know how to feel about that because (1) he just left after they had sex and (2) she told me she felt like a slut because counting that man she'd been with exactly 9 people. NINE!!!!! So I told her that the definition of a one night stand is that he DOES leave after the sex, that's the point. So he did exactly what he was supposed to and it's doubtful that he felt bad about leaving so she certainly should not. And as for being a slut because you've been with nine people? I said "honey i've been with more men than exists in most church congregations and i'm not talking about the little churches either so nine people is nothing compared to some of the numbers that are being thrown around there these days" and she felt better.
Here in Killeen though, I've redefined what it is i'm looking for. Because of the way people act out here and the fact that I had established such a huge friendship base back in Huntsville, it made me appreciate the people in my life a lot more. Fuck buddies aren't really going to bail you out of jail, or make you soup when you're sick or give you rides to work when your car breaks. They're not going to ask you for help when they need it because they have friends for that, or they should. And when I realized at one point that everyone in my phone was a fuck buddy I started calming down on the sex and making more friends, which led to boyfriends and then ex-boyfriends and I got to experience all of that fun mess.
In Killeen i've had sex with pretty much no one (except this one doctor, and he's a doctor so go me) and everyone is all about sex out here. There is no hanging out, and the one person who wants me to hang out with him and his boyfriend is usually so fucked up on drugs when I get there that it's useless to try to make a friend out of him. So i'm here with my older brother and maybe that's the point - i'm here to cultivate a better relationship with him and his wife and my younger brother. Because after Killeen i'm moving to Kansas City, Missouri and I won't be very close to them so I won't get to go visit them. The gay people here are distressing, but they are my "other family" so I have to appreciate them for where they are, even if i'm not interested in having sex or getting to know any of them. They are my people.
-Aaron-
Feb. 20th, 2007 @ 03:02 pm
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| » Back from the dead... |
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wow I just realized it's been like six hundred years since i've written on my livejournal. I've mostly been using xanga - but coming back here is like coming back to an old friend that you haven't really seen in ages and just catching up on things.
I finally moved out of Huntsville, TX and landed in the military city of Killeen, TX which is bordered by Ft. Hood, a military base. Living here for the past couple of weeks has been interesting because I really have been able to see a different side of how things go. I think at the beginning of the year I wanted very much to be supportive of the government here because I find myself being extremely critical of how things operate in America and then don't have a clue how to affect it in a way that is beneficial to society. So I'm trying to understand this government, and it's excruciatingly painful. But i'm working on it.
The military here is a diffrent story. The older military guys are like seasoned warriors who understand the purpose of the military and sort of command this respect. I met a four star general at the restaurant last night and he was VERY kind and his wife was very gracious. they had a lot of honour it seemed, and there was just this instant command and authority that sort of radiated from this guy. It was very easy to be their server because they treated me with a lot of respect, which you sadly don't find a lot in the waiting-tables industry. People are generally very stupid when they go eat at restaurants.
The gay culture here is a little different. I'm finding that as I pursue the meaning of life and why I'm here at all - i'm in these different situations that I truly detest. And a wise person looks at a situation and tries to figure out why they are there, what they have to learn, and then what they have to impart - if anything. It took me a while to figure that out. So mostly I entered these situations with a LOT of attitude and quite a bit of arrogance. Over the years though I've become more observant in the surroundings that I find myself in. Here, the gay people are very unorganized, they hardly know one another - and there are very small groups of gay people who are friends but don't know anyone else. It seems they meet entirely by chance, or at the local gay club (don't get me started on that mess) or online (don't get me started on THAT mess). The online crowd doesn't really meet, they just chat or try to hook up (a LOOOOOOOT of that is going on here, it's totally entertaining). And the people who are somewhat genuine have already met the other people who are genuine so it's like couples...sluts...and everyone else.
The military gay guys are the worst though. And it's something that i'm trying to understand. We out here fight so hard because we want gay people to have what everyone else has...equality and the ability to be seen as a human being. Barring how I feel about the upcoming gay youth, it's interesting that the gay people here on Ft. Hood who are in the military are incredibly snobby and demand instant respect because they are "fighting for our rights" without the slightest bit of appreciation for the fact that we civilians are fighting for THEIR rights to BE in the military at all. They're rude...very pretentious, and cannot handle any criticism about the military. In a word...IMMATURE. They're very immature. And that speaks more about the kind of youth that is being raised up than it does the military because again - the military people I've met so far have all been very respectful and people with manners. Even the ones that are obviously assholes act with proper manners when they're in public, or at least around me.
But then, as an Empress I demand people act with respect around me, hahaha.
So i'm working on my degree here, and also moving up in the world of restaurants. In the meantime i'm continuing to write music and work to save up enough money to make my first CD, which I hope will be well received. At the moment though i'm going to be waiting for a while, and that just seems really sad to me. I've got all this incredible expression waiting to be released into a CD, and paying off tuition, my car, bills, etc hinders me from doing so. Hahahaa, but I think that's what any musician has to go through so i'm very excited. Someone asked me if they thought trying to release music while i'm about to turn 30 is a good idea and I think it is. The current craze of people being famous and incredibly wealthy at 14, 15, and 16 is ruining their lives. Kids don't know what to do with that kind of wealth and popularity. Look at Lindsay Lohan checking herself into rehab...AGAIN!!! I just feel a very heavy weight on my heart for these people and I think that if I was thrust into that spotlight at that age I would have probably acted the same way. But at this age I might be able to handle something like that.
So there I am...I hope everyone's holidays went incredibly well and everyone is at some place of peace right now. There is a lot in the world that is changing and I sometimes think that a place of peace is a coveted place to be at the moment, and we should enjoy it.
-Aaron-
Jan. 19th, 2007 @ 09:48 pm
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| » Update |
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So many things are happening and I haven't updated in just about forever.
My car broke, then was fixed, then broke again and is being fixed.
I got a job at the Outback Steakhouse in conroe
Susan is working with me
I had shingles, it was horrible...HORRIBLE...it's a HORRIBLE disease.
I'm better now.
That's kind of it, and i'm moving at the end of the year to pursue my education in other places besides SHSU where they won't give me any money to go to school.
-aaron-
Oct. 17th, 2006 @ 02:43 am
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| » my hips don't lie |
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Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii'm on tonight, you know my hips don't lie and I'm starting to feel ya boy...
okay i'm addicted to Shakira's "Hips Don't Lie" for some reason. I can't stop listening to it. So I did...I put it out of my mind and my friend was like "hey I just made this CD for you" and it had madonna and some great songs on it and just when I thought I was free of that Columbian temptress!!!!!!.....
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII'M ON TONIGHT YOU KNOW MY HIPS DON'T LIE AND I'M STARTING TO FEEL YA BOY.....
So....I suppose it's fate. My hips certainly don't lie.
I have a date tonight with a guy called Drew. We'll see how that goes.
-Aaron-
Jul. 6th, 2006 @ 05:09 pm
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| » no rules, just right |
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Outback Steakhouse isn't as horrendous as I thought it might be when I first started working there. I really enjoy the atmosphere of the job.
I can't go to Pride it turns out because my car isn't fixed and even though I asked for the weekend off, they misinterpreted what I was asking and gave me NEXT weekend off instead. Oh well - I guess I'll just go out next weekend, hehe.
Besides, the parade is about celebrating yourself and I do that all the time - I just really enjoyed the idea of being able to watch the parade and have fun with the festivities.
-aaron-
Jun. 24th, 2006 @ 12:11 pm
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| » rain and brakes |
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So I went out to Houston, which is becoming the basis for all of my wild stories these days, and had a lot of fun. No dislocated shoulders this time thank God, but I did have a great time having drinks and getting bought a lot of drinks by a lot of people, which is always good for the ego.
On my way home I set the cruise control and headed into Huntsville, and when I found the exit to take me home, I realized that my brakes wouldn't work - so I took a 35mph exit at 75mph which was SO fun and incredbily scary...and coasted all the way into my car park.
Pierre the car is out of comission for the moment, but i'm working on getting that fixed.
Aside from that, I met a guy called Kevin - and Kevin wants to huuuuuuuug me, he wants to loooooooooove me, he thinks i'm sexxxxxxxxxxxy.....hehehehehe.
-Aaron-
Jun. 18th, 2006 @ 08:04 pm
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| » ouch |
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basically my weekend went like this...
* I got bored
* I went to Houston
* I met a man
* We went to his townhouse and had sex
* Because the sex was so aggressive, which I normally like, a lot of things happened
...including...
* I broke my big toe
* I sprained my ankle
* my wrists are very sore
* My neck hurts
* My calves hurt a LOT
* I got slammed up against a wall, except I wasn't positioned right so I actually hit the corner of the doorway and dislocated my left shoulder. That's very awkward when you have to stop the sex and ask if he can pop your shoulder back into place, and can I also say....THAT FUCKING HURTS!!!!!
Aside from that I had a great weekend, but I can definitely see how finding something else to do might have been better for my health.
-Aaron-
Jun. 5th, 2006 @ 04:23 pm
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| » Jeff |
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I wrote a song about all my ex-boyfriends, and one line was....
"even though you missed him Jeff had done me in
I guess my love could not compare to shooting up on heroine"
I missed Jeff all through his rehab and when he came out of it he was better, but his emotions toward me were rooted in his addiction - and without the addiction there were no emotions toward me.
I am convinced that I was genuinely in love with Jeff, which provided the necessary strength to let him go because I knew he had a problem and I knew that I could have his love and his addiction would kill him, or I could let him go and there was the possibility that he would not love me afterward.
I talked to him today (he is back in college station for the summer) and asked him how he felt about us and he said honestly that he didn't see anything to go back to either relationship wise or friendship wise. I don't think that's a mean statement I think it's honest and probably how he felt without the emotions that heroine gave him.
I decided to let him go again - in idea this time. I simply told him that if there is nothing to go to then there seems little sense in playing frivolity and talking in shallow ways to one another. "how are you?" "i'm fine" "okay well have a good day" "okay" just doesn't seem to have any appeal to me, or to him either. So I let Jeff go for the second time, and now there's this really deep sadness inside of me because I held on to that love for a long time hoping that it would be enough to bring him back to me. I pushed it as far down as I could possibly push it but I never let it go. And now it's up on the surface and I have to let it run it's course until it's done with me. I knew that was a possibility when I helped send Jeff off to rehab. And now that it's a reality - i'm just really sad.
I'll miss loving him.
-Aaron-
May. 29th, 2006 @ 02:35 pm
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| » Experiment |
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So I woke up the other morning and found a bunch of Hillsong videos.
Hillsong Music comes from Hillsong Church which is the church I attended when I lived in Sydney. It's a massive church, perhaps the largest in Australia and we produce music for not only our church but the greater Church in the world as well. Hillsong music is kind of well known around the world - which is wierd because I know most of the people and it seems bizarre to me when people are like "Darlene Zschech is just...amazing..." and they speak of her with this awe in their voice, and i'm like "she's goofy" and it's like I just blasphemed the name of Zschech or something.
In any case - I threw a video called By Your Side in and was cleaning up the house a little then went off to work - and it was amazing because my day was brighter and just on the up, and I think that listening to the music and just feeding my spirit like that helped out.
Now normally I start the day off with some gay porn and cereal, but for some reason putting a worship video in from back home seemed to make my day go even better. So...I"m doing this experiment. I'm watching gay porn in the morning before work for a week and then spending the next week watching Hillsong videos (I have tons of them I found out) and I'm going to see which goes better with my morning cereal.
I have too much time on my hands, but at least it's productive.
-Aaron-
May. 22nd, 2006 @ 03:09 pm
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| » my brother's keeper |
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John Louis got sick.
I've never seen anyone go from healthy to sick in 10 seconds like that. He was literally fine and dandy, and we were cracking up, and then within a period of about twenty minutes he was curled up on the couch in absolute misery. It was crazy!!!
My best healthy-to-sick clock time is at least an hour and a half. John Louis is amazing.
I'm going to check up on him later on.
-Aaron-
May. 15th, 2006 @ 05:01 pm
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| » all's well |
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The show was a success. It was so much fun too, I'll have to write more about it later on there's so much to say and so much to tell. But it worked amazingly and I think everyone had a great time watching us dance and goof off and stuff. I definitely had a great time getting crowd response and running around like Pocahontas.
At present, I'm suffering through some family stuff but it's all fun and good and dramatic and I suppose you can't really have a family gathering with divorced parents without having some drama surface or something.
Hehehehe...if you don't hear from me after the weekend, then make sure my body is found and give my belongings to John Louis to disperse amongst my friends. hehehehehe.
John Louis can have my porn
Omar can have my wigs
CJ can have all my Drag Costumes
Everyone else has to mud wrestle for the rest of it...with real mud...and it HAS to happen during my funeral.
-Aaron-
May. 6th, 2006 @ 05:37 pm
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| » Drag Show |
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Alright!!!
the 2nd Annual SHSU Drag Show is going to be OUTRAGEOUSLY fun.
It's at 7pm in the AB3 Dance Theatre, which is in the ROTC Building - or...directly across from AB4 if you're heading toward Wendy's.
It's on Wednesday April 26th, 2006. That's this wednesday if you were wondering.
I hope that everyone gets to come out because it's not about being a drag queen it's about entertaining people so that they might be provoked to give. We're using the drag show as a means to help the Stonewall Kats raise money for the Houston AIDS Foundation, which is a fantastic organization that helps the families and victims of the HIV/AIDS virus. I've talked to a couple of people who have been helped by them and they speak very highly of the organiztion and meeting up with some of the people who run it was very enlightening.
So please show up - it's free admission, and bring a couple of dollars to donate. It's going to be great fun and I think everyone is going to have a good time.
-aaron-
Apr. 24th, 2006 @ 04:39 pm
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| » My Reflection |
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I did a little bit of thinking, because when you get accused of stuff, even if it's false accusations then you begin to think "does everyone REALLY think that?"
Of course they don't...or if they do it doesn't matter, and the person who wrote that doesn't matter either really. I mean, how balsy is it to write shit about me and then not even leave your name? It takes FAR more courage to write something like that and then ACTUALLY leave your name. Besides, what did they think I was going to do?
In any case...reflection. Someone said that one of the reasons people get mad at me in my spiritual growth is because I take what I want and reject what I don't want. I don't think I do this at all. What they really mean is that when it all boils down to it, I'm still gay and I'm not looking to be heterosexual, so they feel that I take the scriptures that benefit me and I reject the ones that speak out against homosexuals. The truth of course is that there are only about four scriptures in the Bible that have anything to do with homosexuals, and they only speak about gay sex. Aside from gay sex - the Bible doesn't say anything else about gay people. Maybe there WERE no gay people back then, but it seems like there were, and yet the Bible says nothing about it. No super conversions where Paul laid hands on the gays and they became heteros...nothing like that.
Except this is what is pushed on me. Going straight is the ONLY healing that a gay person can attain when they come into Christianity. This is ridiculous of course. The measure of a person's healing isn't that they go straight - it's that the issues in their life are healed and they draw closer to God. Their relationships with other people are fruitful, the words that come from their mouths are life-giving, they become a reflection of Jesus Christ. This has nothing to do with switching teams. And if you aren't one of the VERY rare people who actually go through that kind of conversion, then it seems like you're not doing enough, you're not trying hard enough...and you are taking what you want and misinterpreting the rest of the stuff. This simply isn't true of me...and I have a hard time believing it of other people trying to find a balance in their own faith.
I know the person who wrote all that was angry and doesn't understand me at all. Perhaps they think they have the measure of me, but they obviously have not looked deep enough into my life to figure out how I deal with my own faith and how I deal with things when I mess up. Maybe they think they're better than me, maybe they're not even a Christian at all. They sound Christian - some of the lingo they used is definitely Christian lingo - but then if they are so holy, why call me a skank and a slut? That's certainly not a Christian thing to do.
I guess when it all boils down to it - everyone is on their own path. Some people are flying down the path and other people are walking briskly and still others are walking at a slow pace. Some people are crawling and some people have just stopped and aren't walking at all. Some people are dead. It's up to me to continue on my path - whether i'm speeding down it, or crawling, but when I come up on a person who is going a slower pace than I am it's up to me to slow down and be curteous and gracious to them, to encourage them on their path and make sure they have everything they need to make it to the end.
This...I feel...is what a Christian does.
-aaron-
Apr. 23rd, 2006 @ 03:20 pm
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| » interesting comment about me |
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this was posted about me but i didn't see it until later on. it was anonymous and in response to my "i have a crush on Mark" post earlier.
You are so unbelievable. You claim to be a Christian... you have all these posts about developing your faith. But its not very Christian to go to bath houses and have sex with everyone there. You are aware that, upon hearing your name, the first thing people think of is that youre a huge slut, right? And from your lack of protection which you've been so vocal about, I'm guessing within the next few years you'll have a lot of diseases turning up. That's horrible... you're spreading your shit around to other people. Absolutely disgusting. And you're almost 30, yet you spend your time gossiping like a 15 year old girl. You need to grow up. You need to use the gifts that you have. I don't see anything wrong with being a Christian and being gay at all. But the fact that you have these opportunities to be a positive leader and a role model in the gay community, and you're wasting them by being a nasty skank who can't do anything better than talk shit and have sex with all these people makes you disgusting and a waste of a person and a waste of gifts and talents.
well first off....FUCK....YOU!!! If you're going to insult me at least do it (1) to my face or (2) with your name so I know you're not a completely ball-less person. If you're going to post shit about me, then put your name on it. Otherwise your opinion is completely useless and without validity. You waste my time if you're not going to at least let me know who you are, and you make yourself out to be a coward because you won't let us know who you are. Do you think i'm going to hunt you down and kick your ass? I frequently hear things said about me and I welcome people to say whatever they want about me - it's their right to have an opinion, but if you're hoping your opinion will change me...then put your name on it and I might have a little bit more respect for what you're saying. As it stands - I BARELY care that you actually took the time to find my livejournal to say all this....can you even imagine how little I care about what you actually took the time TO write?
For the sake of indulgence - I'll respond to a few things though...
You are so unbelievable. You claim to be a Christian...
I claim it because I AM it. A christian is a person who believes that Jesus Christ is all that He said He was, and by the death and resurrection of said Christ, He paid for all the sins which you so elequently listed for me. Because I put my faith in that death and resurrection, and believe that it happened and Jesus is who He says He is...I'm a Christian.
you have all these posts about developing your faith. But its not very Christian to go to bath houses and have sex with everyone there.
no, it's not a Christian thing to do - going to bathhouses. But I don't do that frequently. For some reason, going a LOT before I became a Christian, and giving into whatever it is that makes me want to go there a FEW times (I can count how many times I've been to a bathouse in the last ten years with my fingers) somehow means that I have made a second home there or something. I don't actually have sex with EVERYONE at the bathhouse - but if i've made the choice to sin, then I'm going to sin. If I'm at a bathhouse, i'm going to do what I am there to do - to NOT do so would be a waste of my money.
Also - my faith is developing. Developing means that it's not perfected yet. And without a church (I am looking for a church but have not felt comfortable enough to start going back regularly) sometimes i'm sure i'm going to miss what I should be doing. But that's the point of developing one's faith. You do something, and if it's wrong - you learn from that and then hopefully rely on grace and don't do it again. It's a process, one that i'm excited about - but not perfect in yet.
You are aware that, upon hearing your name, the first thing people think of is that youre a huge slut, right? And from your lack of protection which you've been so vocal about, I'm guessing within the next few years you'll have a lot of diseases turning up. That's horrible... you're spreading your shit around to other people. Absolutely disgusting.
I am aware of that, but I also don't deny it either. At this point - it's no one's business who I do or do not sleep with, but everyone's idea that i'm out sleeping with everyone all the time is misinformed. I don't have a non-existent sex life, but I have a lot of other things going on in my life at the moment besides getting laid. Part of learning more about my faith is realizing that Christians don't have sex until they get married. And while I haven't resigned myself to that yet, i'm working on it. I don't have sex if I can help it - but sometimes I give in and it's not like it's hard to have sex in Gayland. So, when I do it I do it and when I don't I don't. But whether people think i'm a slut is not really something I worry about. People are going to think a LOT of things about me before God is done with me.
I don't recall being vocal about not using protection. If you talk to anyone who knows me I'm VERY vocal about USING protection. I've lived a very promiscuous life that's certainly no secret, but in all of that there were very few times that I didn't use protection. I'm not sure where you heard that I advocate being unprotected, but you were misinformed. I don't have any diseases BECAUSE I was protected, and if I do show up with a disease later on, then that is the consequence of the time I spent being promiscuous; I was aware of that when i was doing it. Everyone should be. So I'm not, in fact, "spreading my shit around to other people" because there is nothing TO spread.
And you're almost 30, yet you spend your time gossiping like a 15 year old girl. You need to grow up. You need to use the gifts that you have. I don't see anything wrong with being a Christian and being gay at all. But the fact that you have these opportunities to be a positive leader and a role model in the gay community, and you're wasting them by being a nasty skank who can't do anything better than talk shit and have sex with all these people makes you disgusting and a waste of a person and a waste of gifts and talents
I'm almost 30, but not quite 30 yet.
I don't deny that I gossip, but I don't really think I do it like a 15 year old girl. I've had my moments of gossip, but there are a lot more moments when I hold back. There is a lot of information in this head of mine - a lot of peoples' secrets and a lot of stuff people talk to me about in confidence, and I do the best that I can to hold those things in confidence. Sometimes, I succeed - quite often in fact. And other times, I mess up and let something slip, and that's my fault and I am responsible when that happens. I'm grown up, but it's unwise to think that you stop growing just because you're about to turn 30. I'm going to be growing up for a very long time, but as it stands - I have a very mature outlook on my life and I've grown a lot in even the last few years. I'm always in need of growing up, but then so is everyone.
I do use the gifts that I have. Many of my friends can attest to this.
I am viewed by some as a leader in the gay community - although i'm not sure if i'm a role model. I may be a leader, and I may be a role model - i'm not sure of either. I'm just me. And I use my time trying to accomplish the goals I set for myself and try to affect the world around me the best that I can. I DO talk a lot of shit - but I also talk a lot of shit TO the people that I'm talking about, so that they know how I feel, and so that if I repeat something it's because I've in most cases already said it to the person and they know how I feel about them.
I'm hardly a "nasty skank" I don't think anyone would view me that way. And if they do, then they don't know me and are not worth my time in any case. I don't waste my gifts or my talents - but I agree that they could probably be better used, I sometimes just don't have an avenue to use some of the gifts that I have and some of the talents that i have. But I'm aware of that and doing what I can to remedy that.
I think, Anonymous, if you are going to talk a lot of shit to me, you should at least have the balls to let me know who you are. Because when I hit enter, I'm going to pretty much continue my life. And if I've offended you somehow, how on EARTH am i supposed to even begin to THINK about fixing that if I don't even know who you are? Since I don't, your words have been noted and thought about, but mostly I think you wasted your time in writing them because an anonymous blast like that is pretty worthless to me.
Untie your balls and put your name on it, and then maybe we can talk.
-Aaron-
Apr. 20th, 2006 @ 08:15 pm
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